Jenny Devine – Leadership Coach

Since beginning training with the Ford Institute several years ago, it has slowly become very clear to me that we grow, as humans, within relationships. Being a particularly stubborn individual, I resisted this belief for many years. Fiercely independent, I thought that my growth as a human being was all about me and had little to do with others.

 Unbeknownst to me I was actually living in what philosopher Christian de Quincey would describe in his book Radical Knowing, as “The Lone Ranger” myth of consciousness; a lone subject in my own life’s drama, looking out on the world from my own unique center of subjectivity and believing in the myth that ultimately we are alone.

 It has taken me some time to experience a different reality, one, as de Quincey points out, that has emerged in systems theory, quantum science and from the perennial philosophy of the worlds’ spiritual traditions.

This reality tells us that we are not alone. In fact we don’t form relationships, they form us. “Consciousness,” declares de Quincey “is fundamentally relational” (de Quincey, 2005, p.183). Whether in dialogue with a group or in one-to-one relationships, there is something about the nature of consciousness that requires the presence of the “other” as another subject that can acknowledge my being. “When I experience myself being experienced by you,” says de Quincey “my experience of myself —and of you— can be profoundly enriched and transformed” (P.179).

Stephen Cope (1999, p.144) observes that the contemplative traditions and the world of Western psychotherapy share two fundamental premises; that which is damaged in relationship must also be healed within relationship, and character can  truly be transformed only through relationship —not through solitary practice.

Just as the coach-client relationship is integral to the transformative process for clients so too is the journey for the Essentials student coach dependent upon relationship. At every step in the training program, the student coach is partnered with another student as well as being part of the relationship that forms with the trainers and others in the group.  This in itself opens the student coach to a new level of inner growth as he/she experiences self awareness and growth within relationship rather than as an independent process. 

As part of this relationship, the student coach experiences new realities and new ways of being in the world. Their process is no longer strictly their own; it is shared with their fellow student and frequently mirrored back to them by their student partner as they too move through the structures and processes of the program and by necessity, face the challenges  the program inevitably presents.  The exploratory process is reinforced and deepened through relationship. Eventually it is expected that that trainee will reach a point in the journey where, as Ford Institute trainer Cliff Edwards comments, “they can shift levels of consciousness at will, allowing them access to completely different courses of action and outcomes than would have been available to them in the past.”

Cope, Stephen. Yoga and the Quest for the True Self (New York. Bantam Books, 2000)

 de Quincey, Christian. Radical Knowing   (Rochester, Park Street Press, 2005)

A critical thing that I must do before every coaching session is to clear myself of any agendas I might inadvertently take with me into the session. I have to be willing to surrender what I know for what is available through the client’s own guidance and inner wisdom.  I have to release any idea that I might be holding onto regarding what is “best” for this client. Invariably any agenda I bring in will be a projection of my own issues or stories. 

 The challenge of remaining agenda and advice free releases the coach from the natural human condition of wanting to “help,” “fix,” or as the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu saw it, to “meddle”. Some 600 years ago Lao Tzu saw that a sensible human would say, “If I keep from meddling with people, they take care of themselves. If I keep from commanding people, they behave themselves. If I keep from preaching at people, they improve themselves. If I keep from imposing on people, they become themselves (Bynner, 1994, p.61).

Abraham Maslow, too, believed in the Taoist model for working with others; a person who offers assistance without interference. Maslow used the example of a good coach who works with an athlete’s natural style to strengthen and improve his or her style. A skillful coach, Maslow believed, does not try to force all athletes into the same mold and in the same way good parents are like Taoist helpers when they resist doing everything for their child (cited in Frager and Fadiman, 2005).

 Carl Rogers’ advice regarding the person-centered qualities of the therapist is relevant to the work of the coach within the coaching relationship. The relationship, Rogers believed, should be sufficiently warm, accepting and understanding. By understanding, Rogers meant “the willingness and ability to understand the client’s thoughts, feelings and struggles from the client’s point of view; the ability to see completely through the client’s eyes and his frame of reference” (cited in Frager and Fadiman, 2005, p.358).

Bynner, Witter (translator). The Way of Life According to Lao Tzu (New York, Capricorn Books, 1994)

Frager, Robert and Fadiman, James. Personality and Personal Growth Sixth Edition. (New Jersey, Pearson Education Inc. 2005)

I am led to wonder, as coaching clients in the Essentials programme are invited to commandeer their will and step into the place of self-responsibility in all aspects of their life, as they access inner wisdom and take actions in the world, are we, in fact, inviting and guiding them along the self-actualization or individuation process? Are we guiding them to be more whole human beings? 

Certainly, I think some of the excitement I experience at witnessing the process of transformation within clients comes from observing the actualization of potential. It feels a little like Carl Roger’ s biological analogy in that there is an opening, a blossoming or as May commented, a “stepping into.”

 In The Farther Reaches of Human Nature (1971), Maslow observed that as a person becomes integrated, so does his world. As he feels good so does the world look good. I believe this is what I am observing in Essentials. Clients, who do the work and integrate what they have learned and experienced, enter a process where they are engaged in the possibility of wholeness. Essentials is about inviting clients into a journey of surrender; surrendering to old ways of seeing and being in the world and stepping creatively, fully and at some point, joyfully into a new reality. As Rachel Levy, a psychotherapist and former staff member at the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching commented to me, “Essentials is a process of emotional and spiritual education. It is about understanding our system and how we’re designed to function so we can integrate and claim our wholeness.”

This is the process of transformation as I see it; an innate and natural process of human growth that becomes stifled in most of us. As Maslow commented, “We fear our highest possibilities (as well as our lowest ones). We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under conditions of greatest courage…” (Maslow, 1971, p. 34)

I am compelled to believe also that the creation of the ego-Self relationship in “Essentials” plays a critical part in engaging clients in the process of self-actualizing and also individuation. As the relationship between ego and Self is strengthened, the client experiences what Jung described as this innate urge towards wholeness. This is my own experience and my observation of others. There is an urge to integrate one’s life by taking responsibility for pulling the pieces of one’s life back together; for moving from a state of fragmentation towards some semblance of wholeness.

References

Maslow, Abraham. The Farther Reaches of Human Nature (New York, Penguin Putnam Inc, 1971)

In exploring the role of willingness in self-responsibility it seems that there is an interdependent relationship at play here. First we must be willing, that is, have a willingness to open to the process, to the possibility of transformation. Then we must be prepared to assert or express our will and thus take responsibility for our lives. Once we start to embrace this concept of self-responsibility and begin taking responsibility for our thoughts, beliefs and words we then take required action and become motivated to live a life that we are fully participating in.

Once we are motivated we are moving into a process of releasing our human potential. Abraham Maslow had much to say about this idea of releasing human potential

Maslow developed his well known “Hierarchy of Needs” theory that shows in ascending order how human beings must have, first, physiological needs met, then safety needs, followed by belonging and love, and then esteem needs. At the top of the pyramid, Maslow placed the concept of self-actualization which he described as the full use of a person’s talents and capacities. Even if all the lower needs are satisfied, Maslow believed that the individual would still feel frustrated or incomplete unless he or she experienced this concept of self-actualization.

 Maslow believed self-actualization was not a static state, but rather an on-going process in which one’s capacities are fully, creatively and joyfully utilized. In fact, Maslow believed that the average man was a full human being with dampened and inhibited powers and capacities (cited in Frager and Fadiman, 2005, p.347).

In his last book, The Farther Reaches of Human Nature, Maslow describes eight behaviors leading to self actualization. As I examined these behaviors I could see, that to some degree, all are advocated by the coach in Essentials. Frager and Fadiman (2005) advise that these behaviors are not a neat, clean, logically tight discussion, but it represents the culmination of Maslow’s thinking on self-actualization. The following post provides a summarized version of that presented by psychologists Frager and Fadiman (2005, p.350)

References

Frager, Robert and Fadiman, James. Personality and Personal Growth Sixth Edition. (New Jersey, Pearson Education Inc. 2005)

This series of posts continues the exploration into how the Essentials coaching process creates a shift in consciousness for clients.

 The concept of responsibility forms a foundation for the coaching process and is introduced to the client in the first session. It is highlighted as being the biggest culprit in causing unhappiness, upset, dissatisfaction and emotional pain for us as humans. Once clients share their interpretation of the meaning of responsibility, the coach offers the definition used within the context of Essentials: “being willing to own and accept that you are the only person who can truly make any change in your life.” It is explained that this includes giving up any desire to be rescued or taken care of. It is ceasing to wait for someone else to fix what’s not working in our life and deciding that we are the one who will do it. It is clearly explained to clients that although the coach is there to support them in taking responsibility for creating an extraordinary life, it is they who must decide their level of commitment; as with anything else in life, what they put into the coaching relationship will determine the kind of results that they will get.

            If I had to pinpoint one single theme that recurs most frequently and most consistently throughout the program it is the concept of self-responsibility. Clients are left in no doubt that the results they achieve in the coaching relationship (and more importantly in their life post-process) rest squarely with them. This concept was a startling reality for me as a client. I know that for decades I was “secretly” waiting to be discovered. I had a degree of talent, skills and knowledge; surely it was only a matter of time before my dreams came true and my life unfolded just as I always hoped it would!   As a client within the program I eventually came to see that the unfolding of my life just as I had always dreamed it would demand a considerable amount of focus and energy, and all of that focus and energy would need to come from me!

            A common “shift” that I observe in clients is when they realize they are taking full responsibility for themselves and their lives and are enormously proud of this achievement. In effect, they stop waiting for the miracle event or series of events to occur and are making their own way in life. In short, clients are on a sixteen-week journey to self-responsibility or, one could say, engaged in a sixteen-week process of exploring self-responsibility, and the coach supports them and holds them accountable for the success of that journey or that process.