Jenny Devine – Leadership Coach

This series of posts on The Coach and the Coaching Relationship continue the exploration into how the Essentials coaching model creates a transformational shift for clients who do the work required.

In the Essentials Coaches’ Manual the opening paragraph states “As Essentials coaches we have the profound privilege of supporting individuals to take 100% responsibility for their lives, and in doing so learn how to create the life of their dreams.  Through the sixteen-week coaching structure, we are committed to enrolling our clients in the infinite possibility of themselves.”

What is it, I considered as I read these words, that the coach themselves does or doesn’t do each session in order to support a human being to re-create their life in a conscious manner?  What is it that a coach brings with them into the coaching relationship or perhaps, just as importantly, doesn’t bring into the coaching relationship, that facilitates enrolling clients in the possibility of themselves?

Or more simply put, what is it that coaches need to do so that they can bring all of themselves into the coaching relationship and at the same time bring so little of them so that they can operate as a clean instrument for transformation?

In the following posts I will explore what the coach does to prepare her/himself prior to the call; the skills that are utilized within the coaching sessions; the concept of relationship itself and also the training of the coach and the qualities they bring with them.

Immediately prior to each coaching session, I prepare myself for the session ahead by allowing myself a brief period of stillness and meditation.  As I become still and centered and aware of the sacredness of what I am entering into during the coaching relationship I know that I will access my inner wisdom, be a conduit for the clients inner wisdom and also invite in universal wisdom; three aspects of what I believe are the same totality.

I may offer a conscious intention which, I have experienced, offers power and focus to the coaching process.  It may be as simple as being deeply in the listening process for that client or it may be an intention for the client; perhaps that they are able to connect deeply with inner wisdom on this call.

As the call begins, I profoundly relate with the client; I enter profoundly into the coach-client relationship through positively aligning myself with the client, with their presence or their essence. Certainly the most effective coaching can take place when a client feels confident in, safe and connected with the coach.  The relationship is built upon authenticity and openness and allows for the coach to give direct feedback, hold the client accountable, take the client into uncomfortable places if necessary and continually hold the client in their highest possibility.

This post outlines a summarized version (by psychologists Frager and Fadiman) of the eight behaviours Maslow believed were required for self-actualisation:

 1. Concentration: “First self-actualization means experiencing fully, vividly, selflessly,with full concentration and total absorption.”

2. Growth Choices: If we think of life as a series of choices, then self-actualization is the process of making each decision a choice for growth.

3. Self-awareness. In the process of self-actualizing we become more aware of our inner nature and act in accordance with it.

4. Honesty. Honesty and taking responsibility for one’s actions are essential elements in self-actualizing.

5. Judgment. The first four steps help us develop the capacity for better life choices. We learn to trust our own judgment and our own inner feelings and to act accordingly.

6. Self-development. Self-actualization is also a continual process of developing one’s potentialities. Self-actualization is not a thing that someone either has or does not have. It is a never ending process of making real one’s potential. It refers to a way of continually living, working and relating to the world rather than to a single accomplishment.

7. Peak experiences. Peak experiences are transient moments of self-actualization. We are more whole, more integrated, more aware of ourselves and of the world during peak moments.

8. Lack of ego defenses. A further step in self-actualization is to recognize our ego defenses and to be able to drop them when appropriate.

 Maslow believed that self-actualization represents a long-term commitment to growth and to the development of capabilities to the fullest, as well as being work that involves the choice of worthwhile creative goals. “One cannot choose wisely for a life,” stated Maslow, “unless he dares to listen to himself, his own self, at each moment in life.” (Maslow, 1971, p.41).

 This is a similar, although less complex idea, to that of Jung’s individuation. According to Jung, (Frager and Fadiman, 2005) every individual naturally seeks individuation, or self-development. The psyche, he believed, has an innate urge towards wholeness. Individuation is a natural, organic process. It is the unfolding of our basic nature, and is a fundamental drive in each of us. It is a process of achieving wholeness and thus moving towards greater freedom. As discussed in the posts on inner wisdom, the process involves development of a dynamic relationship between the ego and the Self.

Carl Rogers believed the self-actualizing tendency was part of human nature. He concluded that in each of us lies an inherent drive towards being as competent and capable as we are biologically able to be. “As a plant grows to become a healthy plant, as a seed contains within it the push to become a tree, so a person is impelled to become a whole, complete and self-actualized person” stated Rogers (Cited in Frager and Fadiman, p.319). For Rogers, the tendency toward self-actualization is more than simply another motive among many; it is the primary motivational drive.

 References

Frager, Robert and Fadiman, James. Personality and Personal Growth Sixth Edition. (New Jersey, Pearson Education Inc. 2005)

Maslow, Abraham. The Farther Reaches of Human Nature (New York, Penguin Putnam Inc, 1971)

In Essentials, goals are defined as being clear, reality-based objectives that support us in fulfilling our visions and provide a reliable method for getting where we want to go. Clients are guided via the internal exercise to see a goal that will move them powerfully forward toward their vision and to identify specific milestones or events that will help mark the progress towards their goal. The following session focuses on creating a plan that ensures delivery of the goal and milestones. Clients are guided to see what structures they need to put in place, how much time and flexibility they must build in, what skills they already have and what they need to develop as well as exploring what self-sabotaging thoughts or behaviors might de-rail their process.

My experience with this Essentials goals setting and planning process was that it was similar to a process that I’d used when I worked in management roles in the New Zealand health system. Thus, I reiterate that the process itself is not unique; rather it is a tried and true system, similar to that used on a regular basis by individuals and companies all over the world. The difference lies, I believe, in that the process is internalized for the client. Rather than it being solely an intellectual exercise, the goal itself and the structured plan that ensures the success of the goal, are formulated from the place of the client’s inner wisdom. From this place the client begins to take what Ford Institute trainer Cliff Edwards described as “new kind of action” which in itself can change belief systems and generate self-confidence.

This is an example of what Debbie Ford refers to as waking up from autopilot and taking control of the gears. This is when the client realizes they want to be (and I would add, are now capable of being) the driver and not driven. No longer are they prepared to be dictated to by the past; a new reality, one driven by an increased level of mindfulness resulting from a dissolution of old non-serving beliefs and patterns of thought and behavior begins to unfold.  This new way of being leads to new actions in the world, which in itself, reinforces and enhances this increased level of mindfulness. Thus clients have now placed themselves in a powerful reinforcing cycle of more mindful thoughts, behaviors and actions which align to their innermost value system.

By taking action in the world clients are able to embody this transformative process so that the transformation is expressed in specific and decisive ways that make a difference to them and to those around them.

This series of three posts continues the exploration into how the Essentials Coaching Programme creates a transformation (or perception shift) for clients.

When I was in the role of client, being coached through Essentials, I recall being somewhat irritated that there were always action steps that I needed to take in the outside world. Each week, as I was guided by my coach through the internal exercise, my inner wisdom would give me clear action steps that I needed to do that week. Sometimes it was as simple as placing some written notes — perhaps in the form of a new commitment or belief or realization — around the house where I could not help but see them several times a day. Sometimes it was journaling; other times to communicate a particular message or to complete some previously uncompleted tasks, or engage in a new task or activity. Whatever it was, small or seemingly large, there was always something to do, and this irritated me!  I was sure I could bring about the change I wanted in my life without the “doing” involved. I was a disciplined, determined person, I thought. Surely I could change my life for the better just by working through things at an intellectual level and having that emotional and psychological commitment.

Surprisingly, it took me some time to realize that if I really believed I could bring about the change I wanted in my life then I had to ask why hadn’t I been able to do it before. My goal was relatively simple, I thought. I wanted to establish a regular meditation practice; a time for me to sit down, cease all activity and become fully present to the moment, to the universe, to ultimate reality. A simple goal surely, yet one that continued to elude me as a regular practice year after year, even though, with each passing year, a voice within me was becoming more and more insistent that this practice was desperately needed in my life.

To fast forward this story, I can relate that I now have the regular meditation practice I so desired and so needed in my life. One of the key reasons I have it, is that for sixteen weeks I continued to do the tasks in the outside world that I was guided via my internal wisdom to complete each week. As the now infamous Nike ad suggested, I just did it, despite my irritation and effrontery at having to “do” in the world. I was able to step out of my excuses and negative thought patterns and in this more centered and mindful state of being, the actions that had been evading me were able to unfold.